Sip A Bowl – where have you BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!!

When I was a kid, I liked to eat ice cream.  I liked to eat it in front of the TV sometimes, watching the Flintstones or Bugs Bunny.  I would devour the scoops & jimmies first, and when I was done I would lick the bowl clean like an animal.  It was fun, but it always left my face a little dirty.  And for those of us w/out any couth at all (like my sister) it was more of a full contact sport.

The other night my younger daughter announced that she needed a can of yellow waxed beans for school the next day.  Not that you care, but her class was making soup.  So I checked in the cabinet, and of course we have black, garbanzo, pinto, kidney and green – but NO yellow waxed.  My husband hustled off to Shaws and returned shortly w/ the aforementioned beans, plus the two most SPECTACULAR BOWLS I had ever seen.

BEHOLD!!  The Sip-a-Bowl.

My daughter may appear skeptical but I assure you, one use & she was HOOKED.  This sip-a-bowl is amazing!  No more liquidy mess all over my leather couch.  No nasty sticky glop on the coffee table. Fewer brown stains on the tee shirts.  Hooray!  Next up: cereal w/ milk.  Yogurt w/ whipped cream.  Applesauce.  Cream of soup.  Whatever else we can puree and suck down w/ a straw.  Somebody – quick! SEND MORE BOWLS!!!

Georgia & The Fly

Last week I was sitting on the couch reading, when my younger daughter began elbowing me.  MOMMY LOOK!  MOMMMY LOOK!  She was pointing to something on the back of the couch.  I leaned in for a better view.  It was a run-of-the-mill housefly, perched on the back of the chair.  And it looked dead.

Georgia, that poor fly is dead, quit poking at it.

She was insistent.  NOOO, MOMMY IT’S ALIVE.  REALLY!! I figured she was just pushing on the little dead fly and wiggling it with her finger. But she wasn’t.  It was alive.  Never before had I witnessed a fly sitting patiently while being petted by a human, but there it was.  On the back of my couch.  Only after she’d picked it up and kept petting it for a while did the thing finally fly off.

Georgia & friend

I was in equal parts revolted and amazed.  Here was a creature I’d always regarded as a poop-eating, garbage-dump-thriving vermin displaying what can only be described as (dare I say it?) TRUST towards my 5 yr old.  It’s not like humans and flies are the best of friends.  But that fly was as good as glued to Georgia’s hand.  She could have smashed it licketysplit.  But she didn’t.

Sometimes we are like the fly – willing to take a chance against the odds.  Sometimes we are like the child – seeing a friend in the unlikeliest of creatures.  Whether it was Georgia’s sticky hand — or the sweetness of her soul — that kept the fly there for so long, I’ll never know.  But I’d like to think a little of both.

Red Vines = Worst Candy EVER.

In typical teacher fashion, my pal Curly has assigned her readers a June Theme Post.  Next time, I’m getting a Hall Pass..

Today I would like to talk about a subject most normal people enjoy.  CANDY!  Specifically, Red Licorice.  I love red licorice (even if it’s not *technically* licorice).  I also love black licorice (the real stuff) but we are not talking about that here.

I took the above photo of a red licorice twist this morning.  PLEASE NOTE:

1. there are no visible bite marks on the candy.
2. there is a lot of UNEATEN CANDY in this photo.

Coincidence?  I think not.  Two Words: RED VINES.

You wouldn’t think red licorice would be such a divisive topic, but it is.  Much along the lines of the great Coke v. Pepsi debate, red licorice lovers tend to fall into one of 2 camps depending upon which brand they prefer: Red Vines or Twizzlers.  No need to tell you, I’m a Twizzlers girl.

• Twizzlers: red “licorice” style candy that looks great and tastes even better.  They are soft and pliable.  Twizzlers are deliciousness itself.

• Red Vines: red “licorice” style candy that looks pretty good but tastes awful.  Red Vines are rigid and bite like plastic.  Red Vines are just plain GROSS.

I have eaten Twizzlers my whole life long.  I’ve never cared for other red licorice, but had no strict opinion on Red Vines until just 2 months ago, when I encountered them for the very first time.  I was at the Target in South Portland, looking to score some candy for the movies.  YOU DO IT TOO, so pipe down.  I had a jumbo pack of Twizzlers in my cart when suddenly I spied a snazzy blue package on a lower shelf.

WOW.  ATTRACTIVE!!  I’d heard of Red Vines before, but when I read that they’re VERY LOW SODIUM, WELL.  I booted those Twizzlers faster than you can say LICK-OR-RISH.  Me & the Red Vines proceeded to the checkout and the Vines rode up front on the way home.  I was SO EXCITED TO TRY THEM!!!!  I had a Vine in my mouth before I’d even hit the kitchen.  Luckily for me I was near a trash can when I started to chew.. because [gag] First time in my life I had to SPIT OUT CANDY.  That Red Vine chewed like plastic and tasted worse.  It was hardly sweet, and there was this sort of wheaty flavor going on, uggggghhhhh.  Not good.  I ran to brush my teeth, but the vileness remained.

Afterward, I went to put them in the trash, but.. Wait. I thought twice.  Were they really that bad?  Like any good mother, I wanted to test them out. ON MY KIDS.  BWAHAHAHH!!!

SO. When they got home, I tried pawning the Red Vines off on them.  Did they pass muster?

WHHHHYYY MOMMMY_WHYYYY?????  The taste – it’s stuck in my teeth.  It’s worse than a cough drop!

Now, you might think I am truly horrible for doing that to my kids.  HECK NO!  Any good mother will tell you.  Delicious Candy = FAT KIDS w/ ROTTEN TEETH & DIABETES.  I knew that candy tasted like crap – they weren’t going to eat it.  BUT I looked GOOD for giving it to them.  Mommy gave us candy = Nice Mommy.  Those Red Vines. They’re still sitting here, 2 months later.  No one’ll touch em w/ a stick.  I really should be calling up those Red Vines folks and thanking them for doing their service to America’s children.  But – between you & me, I’m afraid they’ll send me some as a Thank You.