A washer, a dryer, & a couple of cats.

Good morning all.  Today I need to get some things off my chest.  I know that life seems pretty peaches & cream here at the West Philly palatial estate, but let me tell you.  LIFE IS HARD.  At least when you like to complain.

Back in August we adopted two kittens. These kittens, Ziggy and Pepper, have now entered advanced *FRISKY* stage. So they spend most of each day shredding our leather furniture, hanging from the woodwork, killing countless potted plants and STALKING.  Just look at these photos.

Until recently, these reenactments of WILD KINGDOM had been tame.  But the altercations between Kiwi and the kittens have grown in intensity.  Yesterday I found my ox-pecking appendage of a bird cornered beneath a table on the back porch, the kittens primed for the kill.  Kiwi is so damn feisty and DUMB she actually FLEW DOWN TO THE FLOOR to have it out w/ them.  The bird is ornery.  She is jealous.  She REEAALLLLLLLLLY wants to kick their ass.  But if she doesn’t wise up soon, she’s gonna be 2 bites of meat for one of these cats.

We have tried a dozen different tactics.  Locking Kiwi in her cage – which she HATES.  Locking her in a room.  Which she HATES.  Locking the kittens in a room.  WHICH THEY HATE.  Letting them all range free – which they ALL LOVE but will lead to one or more deaths and/or maimings.  I have to face facts.  If we keep these cats, I will lose my bird.  and it will be ugly.

SO. Several months ago I posted about our dishwasher dying. WELL. Seems all our appliances have a 7-year life cycle, b/c wouldn’t you know? As of 3 weeks ago, our dryer’s done gone dead.  It was working fine – then BLAMMO.  Nada.  The thing just won’t turn on.  John has concluded the motor’s burned out.  And now, 3 wks later, the washer has joined it in solidarity. We’ve all heard of couples, when one partner dies, the other loses all will to live.  Apparently my washer-dryer were a match made in heaven.  No matter how hard I beg/plead/sweet talk to this machine, I trudge down to the basement umpteen times a day to find a tub full of water and half-washed clothes.  I fill the machine, run the sucker, and once it’s “done,” I check it.  Inevitably, the washer has somehow mysteriously completed the cycle w/out emptying.  HOW DOES IT DO THIS??  Go through spin w/out any spinning.  Or draining.  Or ANYTHING.

I know I am a throw-back to the 50s housewives of yore, But I love doing laundry.  LOVE IT. It is the ONE HOUSEHOLD CHORE (besides cooking) I enjoy.  I love the smell of fresh laundry.  The feel of it.  The sense of satisfaction only 5 baskets of neatly-folded clothing can bring.  And I love my laundry room.  Even though it’s down in the filthy basement where most people hate to go, it’s my home away from home – in my home.  I’ve hung the peeling walls w/ pictures drawn by my children.  Scenes of the African plain, animals, signs reading “I LovE you MoMMy, YOUR the BEST!”  It doesn’t get any better than that.  Rather than resent my family while I labor at their behest, I think fondly of them all.  My laundry room.  My happy place.  UNTIL NOW.  Now that both machines have broken.  BREAKING MY REVERIE.  Leaving me neither high, nor dry.

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16 thoughts on “A washer, a dryer, & a couple of cats.

  1. Replace “bird” with “fish” and you have my living room.

    Through intense bouts of trail and error, scaring the living snot out of the cat when it’s bad kind of helps deter them.
    I clap sharply when Kali is batting at Office Fish’s tank. This in turn makes Kali swing around and say “What? I wasn’t doing anything. He started it.”
    Which in turn causes Bailey to charge at the tank and the cat, barking then turning to me and saying “look what I can do! I am so good! You should totally turn the treat jar upside down and into my mouth.”

    And I am sorry to hear of your washer and dryer love bond.
    In the meantime, you’re more then welcome to drive across the state and do my two loads of laundry that are covered in drywall dust.

    We’re such opposites, Laundry is my least favorite chore next to bathroom cleaning and is closely followed by dishwashing.
    Perhaps photos of my “kids” would make me feel less lament towards the spin cycle.

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  2. You gotta get rid of the cats! I love that bird, I love how that bird thinks it’s human, or better, a dog! :o) However if the dog were to eat the cats, well that wouldn’t be the worst thing would it?
    (I’m not a big cat lover… give me dogs n birds anyday!)
    Fish do that thing your washer/dryer have done too! oh and budgies, so I guess it should be no big surprise.
    You must be feeling better… well enough to rant anyway… you are on the road to recovery! :o)

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  3. “But I love doing laundry. LOVE IT. ”

    I don’t love doing laundry, but I love being able to do it at my house!! In a machine!! Oh god I love our washer and dryer. Don’t go without. Your hands will thank me.

    P.S. Those kittens are ADORABLE!

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  4. The washer and dryer must be replaced. You and yours can’t go around in dirty rags, and since it’s one of your favorite chores, you and John should agree to splurge a little and get a spanking new set. It’s probably a good time to get a deal, with the whole economy going to limbo in a laundrybasket.

    Plus, you might be able to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically, metaphorically! by giving the kittens a little negative reinforcement with a short ride in the dryer (no heat Fluff Cycle, of course) the next time they make a move on Kiwi.

    Hey, does the bird have an identity problem since her namesake is a different species altogether? Or is it like naming a cat “Tiger”? Don’t get me started on dogs named “Bear.”

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  5. I would like to give you the benefit of 20 years experience answering emergency calls for three local veterinarians. in the hopes that will lessen your anxiety.

    In every single case of cat vs. parrot injury that I’ve dealt with, it is the CAT that needs emergency treatment and not the bird. While little parakeets may make tasty appetizers for the average kitty, any decent sized parrot (that is able to fly, I must add – not sure about yours) is smarter, faster, meaner and way more deadly than you’d ever imagine when confronted with a hungry cat.

    I’ve always been a fan of spraying naughty kitties with water when they are up to mischief — it discourages them from negative behavior, it doesn’t really hurt anything but their feelings, and it’s fun!

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  6. Bouncy babe – it’s good to hear we are not the only nut-zoo household around. John is currently lining up adoption candidates for the kittens. My heart is so heavy. BUT Just when I think I might cry, one of the kittens makes a running leap at the bird WHO IS ON MY SHOULDER – the bird bites the hell out of ME – and suddenly option #4 seems THE RIGHT CHOICE.

    Daff, I am feeling heaps better – thanks! You know Kiwi loves you too. She actually asked if she could come for a visit. An EXTENDED VISIT. And since she just pooped on my pants (again) and I seem to be lacking a functional washer/dryer, no better time than the present.

    Oh Hayden, I could not agree w/ you more. Back when Maddie was a tiny schmoopie, our apt. didn’t have a washer or dryer. We’d have sacks of laundry to do. I’d have to trek to the laundromat w/ Mads strapped to my chest, hauling all this crap along. The owner of the laundromat felt so sorry for me, ducking in and out of the machines, dipping this baby up and down and back again, he would often help me do it all, for free. A kindness I’ll never forget. PS: I KNOW! DO YOU WANT THEM>??????????? I AM SERIOUSSSSSSSS!!!

    I must obey you, PANS OF STEEL! But dirty rags are just so *in* this season, are they not? Oh well. I must obey. SO we will have to go to the Scratch n Dent and purchase two shiny gleaming color-rich front loaders, with sparkling glass view windows, which you KNOW I will enjoy – until they set off my vertigo. But I will not blame them. It’s NOT THEIR FAULT I have a wacky disease. And I will LOVELOVELOVE doing laundry even more than before. YIPPEEE!! PS: I am ready to toss these two kittens into a dryer WITH HEAT & FLUFF. They both just tag-teamed me. It is NOT FUN having two razor-sharp clawed kittens leap up your leg AND HANG THERE. Not Fun. PPS: Kiwi’s “old” name used to be Robin, if that helps explain things. I thought Kiwi suited her better. That and I am food-obsessed. Our one cat’s name is Milkshake. Then we have Pepper the kitten. You catch my drift. The only reason Ziggy wasn’t called SALT is b/c we DON’T KEEP SALT IN THE HOUSE>.

    Hey Musey!! You are so funny I should call you A-MUSEY! Perhaps I shall. ANYHOO. I also agree w/ you 100%. This bird just bit the sh*t out of me – going for the kitten. It hurt way worse than the kittens’ claws, which weren’t NOTHING neither. As for the hose – BRILLIANT!! You & John will get along like a house on fire. That technique is his FAVORITE. A+

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  7. actually, i went to see a HORRRRRIBLE movie with a friend. it was so bad i can’t even discuss it. ugh. i’m humiliated to admit seeing it…so i won’t.

    google chat me if you’re around…(click the chat button on my page)

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  8. Compressed air scares the bejesus out of kittens!
    I always enjoy that sideways jump in the air that they do!

    Laundry…hmmm…don’t love it….don’t hate it…it just is!

    Between you and CWG I’ve a had a laughfest and can get back to my actual work.

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  9. I would let the little birdy fly free and keep the kitties, but I know you actually like the bird. As for the washer and dryer, get new ones for sure, the new ones are so much fun! Like little spaceships with all their lights. Reminds me of going to the laundramat (sp) with my mom when I was little and watching the washers spin around. Apparently I did a bit of spinning myself; I seem to remember getting in trouble a lot.

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  10. Curl, I’m not sure where that rumor started… OKAY it was me. But when you posted “see you bright & early Monday morn!” on your blog, I assumed it meant VT. A LEAP, I confess. But still. I guess we both know what made an ASS out of U and ME. PS: sorry to hear about the crap film. Let me know when you want to play iSketch again.

    Connie, You will be HAPPY (but not as HAPPY as Kiwi) to hear that the kittens were (as of 6PM) adopted by their new owner, an amazingly sweet vet tech named Sarah. Should we ALL HAVE IT SO GOOD! 🙂 PS: YAYYY!!! WE ALL LOVE PRESSSENTSSS!!! You are toooo nice. Please, if you love me, go for the pre-selection option. These girls will fight over ANYTHING. AND THANKS SO MUCH – YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!! xoxo

    Trace, we would let Kiwi fly the coop willingly, if ONLY SHE WOULD. I have taken 4-mile hikes w/ this bird stuck up on my shoulder. There is NO getting her off!! The washer played a trick on me today and went completely OFF. Then went completely ON. I think it has a reeeeaaaaalllly good sense of humor.

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  11. HAH! Well – actually if you have a working washer/dryer I could be persuaded. I’ll bring mine too.

    As for the CATS. They’ve been relocated – many thanks to the lovely Sarah. As much as I miss them, I know they’re happy — and Kiwi is (to put it mildly) JUBILANT!

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