I love this place. Why are there so many chiropractors?

YES!!!!!! FINALLY! After my prolonged & totally unacceptable ABSENCE, I am BACK!!!

AND It’s official!!  My family & I are now MAINERS**.

**NOTE: We really are transplanted Philadelphians now living in the guise of MAINERS, but I’m giving it to us anyway.

SO HOW’S THINGSS??!  I KNOW.  It HAS BEEN A LONG TIME< HASN’T IT??  OOoh, I am sorry to hear that.  How awful.  My next-door neighbor’s dad got laid off too, but then they called him up a week later and offered him another job.  Yeah what a crap fest.  Good thing he decided not to jump. Huh?  ME??  Ohh. well you know how it’s been total craziness the past few months.  The whole “packing up the house and moving to a 2 bedroom apartment in a completely new city” thing.

I guess it’s to be expected, but this move is taking a little getting used to.  You can take the girl outta Philly, but you can’t take the Philly outta the girl. Right?  RIGHT. SO. The first night we arrived.  We’re outside unloading the U-Haul.  It’s really dark out – we didn’t get here until after 7 – so we’re unloading, and a car sloooowwwwly drives by.  Then another.  And of course we’re all thinking DAMN! They’re totally casing the joint – just waiting for us to be inside so they can help themselves to our stuff.  But then, another car drives by… slowly.. slowing.. to a virtual stop.  The driver looks at us.. we look at her.. and.. and.. then she smiles and WAVES!  Because people here aren’t thieves. They’re just NICE.

SO>As you can imagine. There’s a whole mental adjustment taking place. No one is trying to cart off our belongings.  No one is skulking in the bushes waiting to stick me up or show me his “thing.”  This Portland.  It’s a whole new world!  And, lest I forget to mention, after just one week here in Portland — (hold your breath) — we get OUR MAIL!!!!  Can you believe it?!  I KNOWOOOO.  We’ve only been here a week.  ONE HONKIN WEEK.  And we’re RENTERS!  No matter.  Our friendly mail carrier does her job like a PRO.  We actually had mail WAITING for us when we arrived.

HAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHHH!!!

Back in Philly – where we’ve owned a home for ALMOST EIGHT YEARS, we STILL DON’T GET OUR MAIL

PS: Thanks for that awesome card, Curly babe! Love ya! xoxo

BUT BESIDES THE MAIL, there are some other things I’ve noticed about Portland.

Number One: Portland is clean.

As long as you don’t mind cigarette butts and dog shit.  B/c BOY ARE THEY EVERYWHERE.  But other than that. This city is pretty clean, at least in comparison to Philly.  Seriously, the day before we moved, I had to go to Target to pick up a few things.  As I waded through ankle-deep trash in the parking lot, I noted the number of empty garbage cans just begging to be used.  Here in Portland, I can’t find a trash can.  Not even outside people’s homes.  I am convinced everyone here stuffs garbage inside their clothes to keep warm.  And this theory isn’t just crackpot.  NO, it’s backed up by HARD EVIDENCE.  You see, here in Portland you have to pay for special blue *CITY OF PORTLAND* trash bags to put your weekly garbage in for collection.  I KID YOU NOT.  AND. Not only are these designer bags expensive, but they are EXPENSIVE.  $7.50 for FIVE.  F-I-V-E.  YET, you don’t see dingbats dumping their garbage in random lots – or dropping chicken buckets out car windows while waiting for the lights to change.  Nuh-uh.  Garbage in Portland “appears” to be a dirty little secret no one wants to air.  People hide it away until trash day when they are FORCED to put it out on the street – B/C THEY HAVE TO.  THANK GOODNESS for those pretty blue bags.

Number Two: Portland is home to a population of roughly 65,000 – 3,893 of whom are Chiropractors.

On every corner in Philly, there’s either a pizza/take-out beer place or some sort of mini-mart bodega.  Here in Portland there is a chiropractor’s office.  Sometimes two.  On one stretch of Congress Street, I’ve actually counted 3 chiropractors in a row.  With another just a block or two away.  All this adjustment raises several questions.  First.  If you are working as a chiropractor in Portland, how can you possibly be making enough to buy trash bags?  And Two.  What the hell is happening up here that warrants so much manipulation?  I’m hazarding a guess with snow shoveling> but .  BUT?  ANYONE??  Can someone help me out here.  Please>??  I am stumped.

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15 thoughts on “I love this place. Why are there so many chiropractors?

  1. i missssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssed you so much! thank god yer back. panny went off the deep end, carrie is MIA big time, connie’s got people complaining about her snark, bouncer’s having a romantic relationship with her dog, and rambler hasn’t been seen in weeks too. jeez…SLOBs have gone to shite without you. and daffy!? who knows what she’s doing?!!?

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  2. i’m like the only freak who keeps up the annoying banter. of course hayden is still inspiring everyone and making me look the court jester with my insane posts. but that’s nothing new. seriously dude…i missed you big time.

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  3. Dishy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We missed you as you can see…blogland just isn’t the same without our extreme encourager!!!!!! Darn it, CWG beat me to the punch on the whole card thing. I bet she is still mad about the bathroom post. I am totally excited about all your new adventures and can’t WAIT to HEAR all about them right HERE!!!!!!!!

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  4. HEYYA CURLY BABE!!! I’VE MISSED YOU TOOOO!! Thanks again for the lovely card, really made my day. And thank you for towing the line all these weeks, keeping on keeping on. Now that the last box** has been unpacked, I’ll finally have time to make regular blog-rounds.

    [**Technically NOT the last box, but as the rest are hidden out of sight they do not count.]

    Feeling GOOD!

    My dearest Hayden, I have missed you terribly too. Funniest thing – true story – several weeks ago, John sends me an email from work. He reads Art of Manliness, and stumbled onto your blog via some link or another. I’d told him all this time how awesome you are — NOW he knows for himself!! Keeping rocking baby. xoxoxo PS: Mads & I owe you some PRIZES, If I recall correctly – do not think we’ve forgotten!!

    PPS: NO GIVE BACKS ON THE HOOTER HORN.

    CONNIE!!!! BABY!!! Been missing you big time!! NOW What’s this nonsense about your snarkiness drawing criticism??! Will have to read up on all I’ve missed. Please feel free to point me in the right direction.

    Many thanks to you, Ramblicious!! Will be stopping by your place later for some catch-up. Till then, keep doodling! xo

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  5. Oh Christy is back! I had been checking and checking, and finally gave up… and now here you are! Now I will have to update my sad blog with my big two person readership…
    If you are working as a chiropractor in Portland, how can you possibly be making enough to buy trash bags?
    Oh, this cracked me up!
    I hope all is well! Take advantage of those chiropractors. There’s only one in my neighborhood!

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  6. Greetings! Have been checking out your site since my last major bout of Meuniere’s vertigo in November 2008. Glad you’re back online. I am a lifelong New Englander and have always called denizens of Maine “Maniacs.”

    Enjoy your new world!

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  7. OOOhhh TWO NEW COMMENTS!!

    Laura, I am still at a loss as to the “Chiropractor Phenomenon” (as I am terming it) here in Portland. Having never used one only adds to the mystique for me. QUESTIONS>!!

    THANK YOU, CRANKYPANTS! And WELCOME!! So glad you’ve been visiting. I cannot tell you how pleased I am to be an official MANIAC. Having been one unofficially all these years..

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  8. Christy,
    I have been looking at your pictures (esp our house pictures), and have thoroughly enjoyed reading you blog-esp about Maine and Portland. Funny, I never noticed all of the Chiropractor offices. You are probably correct, all of those snow shoveling, snowblowing injuries, or perhaps slipping on ice. Whatever, be extra carefull on the deck at night in the winter when you take your dog out to go pee. The tar driveway can also get very slick-quickly. Let me be the first of the Andrew family to welcome you. When Diane ( your soon to be neighbor) called to say she had spoken to a wonderful family from PA., I told Mom about you all. It was she who said,” two daughters with two parents, why that is the number of nails up over the Living Room fireplace for Christmas stockings.” It was meant to be!
    You will be getting a sensational home and neighborhood. The backyard is great, I think, but it doesn’t end there, the entire village of Stroudwater is your back yard. I can see you love photography. Dave’s and my daughter, Holly does too. I can’t wait to tell her of The Daily Dish.com.
    My parents bought home in 1953. I was 18 mths old when we moved to Stroudwater. I learned to walk there, mainly because I was getting splinters in my stomach from sliding on the floors. As I understand it, Dad put planks on the keeping room table ( the dining area next to the kitchen) and made me walk the planks. As I understand, I also had to have the playpen put in the middle to the floor, because I dismantled the handle on the door at the bottom of the staircase, and then took the tubes out of a radio. Actually I was the quiet one. I am the youngest of four girls. Kathy (Kate now as she wants to be called) is the oldest and a regular pied piper. She will introduce herself to you all I am sure, once you have had a chance to move in. She can hit a neighborhood, and within 1/2 hour know everyone, and have all of the kids rounded up for a game of kickball.
    Liza is the second oldest, and was the bookworm in the family. You could wake her up from a nap to come to supper, and she would sit up speaking french. She was the one who would discuss politics long into the night with Dad in the Keeping Room.
    Laurie is the third daughter, and very sports minded, as well as smart. She is a district attorney in CA. and is Mom’s POA.
    I am the youngest and am a Dietetic Technician. I made the best mudpies in the backyard in Stroudwater using the red berries from the large bush over by the rockwall. Mom told me, that when I was around 2-3 yrs, I would craw out of my crib in the yellow room by the upstairs bathroom ( Laurie and I shared that room when we were small). sneak downstairs in my Dr. Dentons, pull out the draws in the kitchen, and climbed up to the cupboard where the packaged cookies. I would help myself to a package, take it back to the crib. eat them all, and obviously go back to sleep. Mom and Dad always thought the girls ate the cookies and just put the empty package in the crib, knowing I would never get into trouble. That is until one night, Dad heard me going down the stairs in my Dr. Dentons, and said, “AAAAAbbie, you go back to bed. With that, I hiked it up the stairs and never did that again.
    I could tell you many more stories about home, but it will be your turn to make the stories. As Diane has probably told you, giving up home and Stroudwater is HUGELY emotional for us. Please take care of it, and love enjoy it as we have done for 56 yrs. If you decide to sell, can you get in touch with me. Hopefully, Holly will be in a situation where she can buy it from you. This has been heartbreaking for her. She has been going there since she was 1 month old. She is the “H” on the wall edge in the kitchen. Enjoy! Abbie

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  9. Hi Abbie!! Diane gave us your number yesterday, but we were afraid of appearing too pushy, so we didn’t call – and here you are! Thanks so much!! Cannot tell you how wonderful it was hearing from you. Cannot wait to hear all of the stories, and meet you all. We are in LOVE with the house. Have been visiting daily – getting out, walking around, saying Hello. I may or may not have been seen hugging the door/s, and blowing kisses upon departure. Just the smell of the place fills my heart w/ joy. Diane took us on a tour yesterday of Mr. Harris’ land, we saw a flock of turkeys w/several babies amongst them. The world IDYLLIC came to mind more than once.. We understand what you all must be going through, and only hope that your pain is lessened a little knowing how much we will love & treasure your home. So glad to know who the H is finally! The growth chart will remain as always — a testament to your family, another memory to cherish. PS: Please reassure Holly – if ever we must move, she will def get first dibs. Kindest regards, Christy

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