The Grind.

I have a confession to make.  Since moving to Portland, I’ve met someone.  I know, I know!  I am a Hussy.  It’s not like I went out looking for it – really – but when it’s there in front of you, day after day after day, and you have a real NEED (if you know what I mean).  Well.. not to make excuses, but even the strongest willed woman may eventually cave.

It started out so small.  A mere flirtation.  I looked down and there he was.  Waiting.  I knew it was wrong, I did.  But no one was around.  John, the kids – they’d gone to the park.  And he was so ready, and willing.  It wasn’t like I’d forgotten what it’s like.  I’d had experiences when I was younger.  I know how careful you have to be.  It can get so noisy, and there’s always the risk.. of losing part of yourself.  But I wasn’t going to let that happen.  I wouldn’t get hurt.

Now he has me.  I’m hooked.  Even though I know it’s wrong, and I don’t even know what’s happening half the time, I don’t care.  Things start piling up around me, I feel overwhelmed, and like magic, he just makes it all go away.

I can’t keep it a secret any longer.  [Don’t be shy – let them see you]  Everyone, meet

garbagedisposal2

Sven.

I know when you read this, you will be shocked.  Outraged.  INSANE with jealousy!  And I am sorry.  But now that I’m living in an upstairs apartment, with no compost bin around, no garden to tend, and designer blue trash bags that cost a fortune to fill, it was only a matter of time.

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17 thoughts on “The Grind.

  1. It’s okay, Dish-Dish.

    Sven svings both ways– I saw John trysting with him and ever-so delicately feeding him bon-bons. Or maybe they were olive pits. But truthfully, who could resist a one-eyed, mustachioed charmer like Sven?

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  2. Yes, ladies – that is a mustache. Maddie got it out of a gumball machine at the mall several days ago. She was thrilled she’d scored a “blonde one.” Why a 9 yr old girl would want one so badly, I do not know. But I did just write about my love affair w/ a garbage disposal, so who am I to judge.

    When I asked John to respond to Panny’s allegations, he gave me The Look. Have I crossed a line here?

    PS: Hayden, I have heard rumors about that sort of thing.. you know – once you have black _ something something something.

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  3. ya gotta watch those garbage disposals. We had to remove an old dishwasher and hadn’t put a new one in yet, so there was a pipe sticking up. I was feeding the garbage disposal spaghetti with lots of water to make it go down easy… heard something behind me, and looked to see watery minced spaghetti with red sauce shooting out all over the kitchen! Luckily my hubby walked in from work RIGHT THEN 🙂 so HE cleaned it up while I laughed my fool head off. It turned out to be something about a t-pipe that was too small, and other plumber jargon. But, boy was it funny. Gross, but funny!

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  4. As a construction worker, I am not a fan of these. Drains are not meant for food. Regardless of how small it is chopped up, it still gets lodged in a pipe under the home. The build-up of this food causes the pipes to rot and ultimately fail.

    Sorry to get “construction nerd” on you.

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