Weeding vs. Wedding

For the past several days I’ve been on FULL STEAM AHEAD.  Not out in the yard, but in every bridal shoppe in town.  Not to mention the mall, several discounters, the outlet stores, a couple thrift shops, and that one really funky vintage clothing boutique downtown.  Plus, thanks to cyberspace, I’ve been cruising every upscale retailer in the country.  All in the quest for THE DRESS.

Back in December I posted about my sister getting engaged.  I joked about being Matro(FU)N of Honor, wearing a Scarlet O’Hara=esque gown, and so on.  Well, fast forward five months.  The wedding is now sitting on top of us and I’ve yet to secure a real dress.  I may joke about a lot of things, but this is not funny.

Without disclosing her private life, my sister is in a grueling school program which barely allows for sleep, let alone shopping.  The fact that she lives 1000 miles away isn’t helping.  Thank GOD she has her own dress already!!  But.. I hear you saying.. the mother of the bride always fills in the gap.  The mother of the bride buys a dress for herself, then helps the bride select dresses for her party, and the bluebirds sing while little fairies float around their heads and they all live happily ever after.  Well, of course.  Except our mother is a high powered executive currently employed out of state.  So NONE of us are together.  And if you haven’t gleaned this quite yet, I am not exactly a shopper.  Don’t get me wrong, if I had bags of money I wouldn’t have a problem spending hours each week in stores, but my life is not like that.  I wouldn’t know an upscale dress shoppe if it bit me on the a$$.  Which IT HAS.

Yesterday I had on a dress that costs more than I have in the bank.  It was gorgeous.  I wanted it BAD.  But it wasn’t quite right.  The day before I tried on roughly 25 dresses at a lovely bridal place downtown.  Many of them were stunning, but none of them was IT.  I have been to Macy’s more times in the past week than I have since we moved here.  I keep pretending this dress is going to magically appear from doors at the back of the store, but it’s NOT!!  I’m just trying on the same damn things I did the day before.

I want my sister to be happy.  I want her wedding to be perfect.  And in my own way I am trying to make that so.  But it is leading me to obsess.  And as many lovely dresses I have seen, in every color of the rainbow except for the one that I NEED, I have seen an equal number that should be stripped from the racks & burned.  The running joke used to be how ugly bridesmaid dresses are.  I think the backlash against hideousness has gone so far in the opposite direction, we’re now actually worse off.  I will be blunt.  I know every woman wants to look sexy and appealing, but if you are unable to discern the fine line between “gorgeous” and “cheap ho” please do us all a favor and stay home.  A wedding is sacred, or should be.  The BRIDE is meant to stand out, not your floozy self. Let’s show some CLASS, Ladies!

And on that note, I am off.  So many dresses to eyeball, only so many hours in the day.  Wish me luck.

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35 thoughts on “Weeding vs. Wedding

  1. Ok, WOW. Take a deep breath and relax.

    Maybe you don’t have to find THE ONE. Will ‘good enough’ do? I mean, everyone will be looking at your sister, yes? Really all you have to do is achieve not-distracting status and blend in, right?

    I guess I still don’t understand the hoopla around weddings…sorry!

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    1. Thanks for talking me down, babe. I normally wouldn’t stress so much – it’s just that I am alone up here, trying to do my best- a stranger in a strange land, so to speak. Not only am I unfamiliar w/ the stores, I don’t do retail often. Last night we found dresses for the girls and they’re adorable. The relief was palpable. I found a dress for myself online which *looks* the same color, it’s on its way – we’ll see. I just want to make my sister & her fiance happy. I swear, I didn’t think half this much about my own honkin wedding dress – I am so laid back when it comes to myself – it’s other people I stress over!

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  2. You will look lovely in whatever you choose to wear! Your sister probably knows your sense of style and will just be happy to have you there for her wedding! I doubt you will make a fashion faux paux or however you say that! All the best
    xoxoxoxox

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    1. Thanks Connie – this is what I needed, to vent. I’ve just been so stressed out. My mom & sister are swamped, they don’t have time to deal w/ any of this. Instead of being together and laughing and having fun, it feels like I’m alone on a one-man forced march. I am paranoid I’m gonna pick the wrong thing, but no one even has time to give me feedback. Instead I’m emailing 150 freaking photos, which they must hate as much as I do.

      It’s funny, the idea of “dress shopping” brings such fun thoughts – but when you’re slogging through it alone w/ no input, worried about making the wrong decision and it impacting other people’s happiness. Well – I’d rather spend 10 hours out in the yard. The grueling labor seems like a walk in the park in comparison.

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  3. you know your gonna be pretty in whatever you choose to don.

    at least with emailing the photos, you’ll have a jumping-off-point.

    I highly doubt sis’ big day’ll be “ruined” if you show up in something that meets approval.

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    1. Hey babe – thanks for the support. Seriously. Having just written out my thoughts was a great catharsis. (Having my beloved bloggy friends tell me to shut up & chill.. priceless.)

      I felt tons better while out this afternoon. I found a dress for my mom; not sure she’ll like it, but I bought it for her anyway and can always return it tomorrow. Things is looking UP.

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  4. if your sis is anything like you, i can’t imagine that she’d get her knickers in a twist if you don’t shell out major money for a couture dress.

    i’m sure you’ll find something great to wear!

    xoxo

    ps. just got back from a whirlwind 2 days in hershey and lancaster. fun, fun, fun!! thought of you–the PA thing and all.

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    1. Thanks Nat! Currently in a holding pattern; G home sick, no shopping today – ordered dress is in transit. As I told my mom last night – as long as it’s the same color, I’m keeping it. My sis will be fine I am sure. PS: it occurred to me, all this stress is actually a compliment. If I didn’t love her so much, I wouldn’t care what I picked, right?

      STRESSED OUT DISHY = I HEART SISSY

      PS: glad you had fun in Lancaster. Did you do the factory tour??

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        1. Hah! Last time we went (6 YEARS ago, man time flies) we took the tour and they gave us little samples of a new choc bar – think that was the first and last time I saw it.. Did you know they also own Twizzlers? Sooo much better than Red Vines! LOL

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  5. I’M A WIENER!! Please send wedding invitation or firewood, or wood burning fireplace or a bicycle that can be ridden only in the street or a small caged bird or a handyman’s guide on how not to fall through your bathroom floor or any other number of prizes that I am certainly deserving of for acquiring the title of 2800TH COMMENTOR!!! Or one of those silly hats or scarfs. 🙂

    You know Dishy… you have much laughter inside of you. Glad you allowed me to play a part in bringing it out!

    Perhaps a very small tattoo “i love to laugh” is in order.

    HAVE A FANTABULOUS WEEKEND!!

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    1. Mssc54, you def deserve a prize – for taking on the Bike Post alone, you are worthy! PS: I’m starting to liken that post to Voldemort from Harry Potter. “You-Know-Who” or “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” or “The Post Which Shall NOT DIE!!” LOL Hope you’re having a fab weekend too!

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  6. Please do not stress out about it. Any of the ones you have shown me with the exception of the one that John vetoed are fine with me. I think they all would work. Please relax and focus and finding something that you will feel comfortable in. Talk to you soon. Love you
    Suzanne

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  7. I love weddings!

    I’m sure you’ll find “your” dress. Just have a drink and stop trying, and then POOF, you’ll find it!
    Oh…I think that’s with getting preggers.
    🙂

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      1. Funny enough, our friends are getting married 10/10 (Mini Mak is expected around 10/6) and they HONESTLY wanted me to be in their wedding.
        The bride sent me a photo of a preg model, who may have been 6 months along. in a sheath dress, telling me how cute it was…
        Heck, I couldn’t pull off sheaths when I WASN’T all bump-tastic!

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    1. Dear UM, Please send perfect dress from NYC STAT!! Ordered dresses arrived yesterday. Ordered dresses returning today. Not only was color off, but fit as well. Quest begins anew. Will keep you posted – WISH ME LUCK. Seriously.

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        1. Ooh please, where have I NOT looked?!

          The girls dresses we found at the J.Crew outlet in Freeport (home of LL Bean). They are simple sundresses, a pale blue color, silk/cotton blend. I would send a link, but they’re not on the website. I ordered a simple strapless silk chiffon dress from J.Crew, hoping it would be the same color. I went so far as to call and try to confirm color, but the girls dresses must be an old style and aren’t in the system any longer.. SO the dresses arrived yesterday, the color was too green and surprise surprise I am too bony up top and yet too well endowed to pull this strapless thing off. Even my husband thought it looked bad. So they go back.

          I am looking for a dress that’s formal, yet casual enough for an outdoor wedding, in a pale blue color. My sister would prefer short-ish, but at this point I will take long. And think HOTLANTA.. so it needs to be cool enough to be comfortable. One tall order.

          Steph, if you have any websites to recommend, I’d be grateful!

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  8. ANy luck yet on the dress? Have you tried The Loft Ann Taylor?? How much time do you have left??You could always have it made.

    J

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    1. OoooH Judi!!! Thank you so much!! The dresses are so cute, and no – I hadn’t seen them before. I’ve only bought Ann Taylor once in the past — the fit always seems too short for me, but def worth a visit to the store. MUCHAS GRACIAS Chica!! love ya xo~!

      UPDATE: Yesterday found a great Phoebe Couture dress at Material Objects downtown (that store ROCKS btw). It’s a size too big but if I can’t find anything else, I’ll have it altered. It’s navy, not light blue, and a little casual for the event, but would be perfect for the rehearsal dinner. My AMAZING friend Stephanie (above) sent me two pages of dress links and I ordered another 4 dresses online — en route as i type. Many, many thanks to you Steph, and to everyone else for your support. Another friend emailed yesterday telling me to stop over today – she thinks she may have a dress for me — will keep you posted – WOOT!

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  9. How could you try on 25 dresses? I hate buying clothes precisely because of the whole trying stuff on game. I sulkily agree to do it because the wife makes me, then just agree to buying whatever she says so I can go.

    It’s not a great strategy.

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  10. Zhisou, could you please send your lovely wife to come shop for me? It has been 2 weeks and still no dress. On a high note, the dress I bought my mom fits & may be “the one” for her! Hooray!

    Rob, if I have the good fortune of finding The Dress, I will not only post pix, I’ll likely never take it off. You will see me out gardening in it, bag balming the piggies, trekking to the market – heck, if it’s long enough, I’ll even use it to wash the car. Sort of like this guy’s site (too funny)
    PS: Happy (almost) Birthday!!!! xo

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  11. Dish – you can’t just rent people’s wives, you know – if you want a wife, I’m sure you’ll be able to find one suitable. Though you have to take the rough with the smooth, it’s not just about personal shoppers.

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  12. Wouldn’t it be very non-traditional to have a pretty dress if you are in the wedding? I thought the bridesmaids and matrons dresses were SUPPOSED to be ugly on account of the bride wants to SHINE. Just sayin.’

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  13. Zhisou, as much as having my very own wife sounds grand, methinks my husband might take issue w/it. He’s a pretty jealous guy.

    Thanks Daff (always so supportive!) – and thanks for the laugh, Trace.

    I won’t be needing a personal shopper any more — Yesterday, I FOUND MY DRESS!!! (Or did it find me? It came by UPS) Either way — YAHHHOOOOOOOO!!!! (**doing the happy dance**)

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